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This should be fun…

So, I just got to the “ Penitence and Deprecation” portion of The Valley of Vision. (YAY! This should be fun!! Errrrr…. oh no, why did it have to come to this? Anything but self reflection right now!) I have to admit, in case you didn’t quite understand the inner conflict tangent just there, I’m not too excited about it.

I love this collection of prayers because it so beautifully describes different facets of our journey as believers, from the perspective of a conversation with God. So far, we’ve really enjoyed ourselves, understood our salvation from the death of sin, loved his goodness and faithfulness, awed at his creation. Now, we take the journey back into ourselves and discover that, not only are we sinners, but it seems like we just can’t stop sinning. We have this adoration with sin, this affinity that wars with God in our own heart. Ugh. God, I’ve chosen to follow you! Why couldn’t sanctification be a little easier?

I’m only three prayers in, and I can already feel my brain and my heart conflicting. My brain says that it should be easy to no longer sin, my heart wants to see what else there is. Right now, I want to be rooting for my brain, but I feel my heart seeking lovers less wild.

And in the midst of all that, God throws the game wide open with “The Dark Guest”, which describes this whole issue in a way I never could even dream. I could never be that honest. I could never be that truthful about myself. But, in reality, this is me, and I’m pretty sure I’m not alone.

“O Lord,
Bend my hands and cut them off,
for I have often struck thee with a wayward will,
when these fingers should embrace thee by faith.”
I am not yet weaned from all created glory,
honour, wisdom, and esteem of others,
for I have a secret motive to eye my name in all I do,
Let me not only speak the word sin, but see the thing itself.
Give me to view a discovered sinfulness,
to know that though my sins are crucified
they are never wholly mortified.
Hatred, malice, ill-will,
vain-glory that hungers for and hunts after
man’s approval and applause,
all are crucified, forgiven,
but they rise again in my sinful heart.
O my crucified but never wholly mortified sinfulness!
O my life-long damage and daily shame!
O my indwelling and besetting sins!
O the tormenting slavery of  a sinful heart!
Destroy, O God, the dark guest within
whose hidden presence makes my life a hell.
Yet thou hast not left me here without grace;
The cross still stands and meets my needs
in the deepest straits of the soul.
I thank thee that my remembrance of it
is like David’s sight of Goliath’s sword
which preached forth thy deliverance.
The memory of my great sins, my many temptations, my falls,
Bring afresh into my mind the remembrance
of thy great help, of thy support from heaven,
of the great grace that saved such a wretch as I am.
there is no treasure so wonderful
as that continuous experience of thy grace toward me
which alone can subdue the risings of sin within:
Give me more of it.” 

Mother Theresa once said, “Following Jesus is simple, but not easy.” This whole Jesus thing, it isn’t as easy as I thought it would be, but I need him more than I thought I ever would.

The beauty of this whole “not-easy” thing? That we’re not alone. I am not alone! He is with me every breath I take. He is that treasure so wonderful as that continuous experience of thy grace toward me”! He has sent His Holy spirit to live with me so that, if and when I screw up, I’ll know that I’m still loved.

 

Peace!
s/doss

P.S. >>>>>>>>>>>>>

Oh, and here’s something else that I’m not excited to read: “Heroes and Monsters,” By Josh Riebock. Here’s a little bit about it, and maybe you’ll not want to read it too.

Heroes and Monsters is an unforgettable memoir of passion and redemption, and a ragged look into a world at once wildly twisted and profoundly beautiful, into both the hero and the monster within all of us.

In this stunningly honest, thoroughly unconventional, and ultimately hopeful book, Josh James Riebock explores issues that form us into the people we are—issues of family, love, intimacy, dreams, grief, purpose, and the unexpected stops along the journey. With artful prose and vivid storytelling, he shows that pain and beauty are so inextricably linked that to lose the former costs us the latter.

If you’re grappling with life’s inconsistencies and trials, if you’re searching for an encounter with something real, if you’re craving a story that’s just a wee bit odd…

Heroes and Monsters is a fresh and exhilarating perspective on the uneven nature of life, and the equally uneven people who inhabit it.

 

 

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